The Real Al Friedman

This parody (written by Greg Crowther) is sung to the tune of "The Real Slim Shady" (written by Marshall Mathers, Andre Young, and Tommy Coster and performed by Eminem).

I wrote this as a tribute to Al Friedman on the occasion of his completion of 20 years as dean of Math and Science at Everett Community College.

Well, here's a little story that I must relate
about a fella named Al from the Garden State.

It seems like forever we’ve followed him blindly,
but that was not the case back in 1990!

Al was a Husky; lectures filled his plate
’til a seismic shift in the job landscape.

He hears from his old friend Stu
about an EvCC post. Soon he’s got an interview.

All goes well ’til he meets the VP,
and the VP interrogates him dubiously.

“You U-Dubbies crave power like overlords!
Can you commit to us hard-core? 
Or would we just be a springboard
when you get bored?”

Who’s Al Friedman -- the real Al Friedman?
Is he gonna be right here when we need him?
Will the real Al Friedman please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Who’s Al Friedman -- the real Al Friedman?
Does he talk straight, or is it hard to read him?
Will the real Al Friedman please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?

Well, Al gets the job, then he gets tenure,
then department chair, then becomes a dean here!

Brand-new problems landing on his desk;
brand-new levers for student success.

Getting better labs for physics and anatomy;  
launching the Ocean Research College Academy.

Matching course offerings to what the data’s hinting;
cracking down on unrestrained MFD printing!

Collaborating happily with the other deans;
Saying, “sorry, no” a lot; trying not to sound mean.

Now he’s served under ten VPs – quite a number –
and his AAs change like Spinal Tap drummers,
But it’s his turn to move this summer.
What a bummer!

He’s Al Friedman – the same Al Friedman,
but he's getting tired of working every weekend!
Won’t Al Friedman please step down, 
please step down, please step down?

He’s Al Friedman – the same Al Friedman.
We found a new dean, and she needs your seat, man!
Won’t Al Friedman please step down, 
please step down, please step down?

He’s Al Friedman, the old Al Friedman,
getting back on his classroom steed, man!
Come take his courses! Please sign up,
Please sign up, please sign up!

He’s Al Friedman, Professor Al Friedman.
Atmospheric science could be a breeze, man!
Come take his courses! Please sign up,
please sign up, please sign up!

• MP3 (with Hilary Kemp)

• music video