The Professor And The Punk

by Greg Crowther

This whimsical song offers two rather extreme perspectives on life. It is dedicated to Will Kemper, a friend and former physiologist who, like me, is neither professor nor punk but rather a volatile mixture of the two.

        I. THE PUNK

PUNK:   I know I've got a top-notch brain, 
        But no one even knows my name.
        What I need is a brand-new look:
        A cover that'll make you want to read the book.
        Though I hesitate to stick out my neck,
        If I can't get your attention, I can't get your respect.
        So I'm gonna be a rebel, 'cause, as sad as it sounds,
        What's on the outside is what really counts.

        I'm gonna get a nose ring;
        I'm gonna have neon hair.
        I'm gonna be famous
        For how I look and what I wear.
        I get no attention
        In this dark limousine,
        So take me out in public,
        Where I can be seen.
        Yes, take me out in public,
        Where I can be seen.


        II. THE PROFESSOR

PROF:   Every generation thinks it's so outrageous,
        But it's just a new cover on the same old pages.
        I don't want to be flashy like the hip-hop youth;
        My beat is discovering the fundamental truths.
        Reductionism is my philosophical stance;
        If I dissect a specimen, my knowledge will advance.
        I break the sample down to its innermost ounce,
        'Cause what's on the inside is what really counts.

        I'm gonna get tenure;
        I'm gonna get a Nobel Prize.
        I'm gonna be famous
        For the proteins I have crystallized.
        I get no work done in this fancy hotel,
        So take me back to lab,
        Where I can study my cells.
        Yes, take me back to lab,
        Where I can study my cells.


        III. THE DUET

PROF:   In this time of tabloids and sound-byte sales,
        It's nice to know that sanity usually prevails.

PUNK:   Aah, flamboyance is in, and modesty is out;
        If you want to be heard, you've got to learn to SHOUT!

PROF:   I can hear you just fine, but you're trying my patience,
        'Cause there's not a lot of thought behind your grand proclamations.

PUNK:   But this isn't just a scientific battle to be won,
        So c'mon, lighten up, man, have a little fun!

PROF:   I'm gonna get tenure....

PUNK:   I'm gonna have neon hair....

PROF:   I'm gonna be famous....

PUNK:   ... As "Dr. Geek Extraordinaire."

BOTH:   It's hard to get noticed,
        And it's easy to flop,
        But I'll take on this crummy world
        And come out on top.
        Yes, I'll take on this crummy world
        And come out on top.

• MP3 (with Do Peterson)

• sheet music