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You Don't Wash My Glassware

This parody (written by Greg Crowther) is sung to the tune of "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" (written by Neil Diamond, Alan Bergman, and Marilyn Bergman and performed by Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand).


Lyrics


FEMALE SCIENTIST:                       MALE SCIENTIST:

You don't wash my glassware;
You don't cite my papers.

                                        You hardly ever bother
                                        To reorder safety gloves
                                        When we're out of my size.

I remember when ...
You helped me make the figures
For the first draft of my thesis.
Now I'm nothing 
But a footnote in your life.

                                        Yeah, my lab was your lab,
                                        And your lab was mine.

Now you go on sabattical
And leave me behind....
And you don't wash my glassware anymore.

                                        It used to be so easy;
                                        We'd write our grants together.
                                        But our funding has run out, 
                                        My dear,
                                        And I guess our love has, too.

Baby, I remember
All the things you taught me.

                                        I learned how to theorize,
                                        And I learned how to recant.

Well, I learned to accept
All those vicious peer reviews.

                                        But I just can't accept
No, I just can't accept                 A rejection from you.
A rejection from you.
You don't wash my glassware anymore.

No, I just can't accept                 No, I just can't accept
A rejection from you.                   A rejection from you.

                                        You don't share your data --

You don't bring me reprints --

You don't wash my glassware anymore.    You don't wash my glassware anymore.


Comments

This song is a duet between two scientists whose relationship has taken a turn for the worse.