Kidney Wonderland

This parody (written by Greg Crowther) is sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland" (written by Felix Bernard & Richard B. Smith).

This song was written for the 2016 holiday party of UW Nephrology, where my wife works. As such, it refers to the following people and items. "Stuart" is division chief Stuart Shankland. "Machines that are wearable" refers to the division's work on a Wearable Artificial Kidney (WAK). "Kestenbaum" is professor Bryan Kestenbaum. A "K" is a type of career development grant from the National Institutes of Health.

Stuart speaks; are you listenin’?
In the vials, urine’s glistenin’....
Creatinine’s high;
We’ll figure out why.
We’re doctors in a kidney wonderland!

Dialysis is more bearable
With machines that are wearable.
The clinical trials
Are making us smile.
We’re doctors in a kidney wonderland!

In the clinic we’ll see an attending,
And pretend that he is Kestenbaum.
We’ll say, “How’s the patient?” He’ll say, “Mending...
But test the blood pH when it is drawn!”

Later on, we’ll be mellow
As we round with the fellows.
If they get a K,
They’re welcome to stay
As doctors in our kidney wonderland!

• music video

(1) What is creatinine?

(2) Give two reasons why a person's serum creatinine might be elevated.

(3) Give two possible advantages and two possible disadvantages of performing dialysis with a Wearable Artificial Kidney (WAK).

(4) Some universities have a de facto policy of letting their fellows become acting faculty if they receive a K award from the NIH. Is this a sound policy? Defend your answer.