I Love The Lab

This parody (written by Greg Crowther) is sung to the tune of "I Love To Laugh" (written by Richard M. and Robert B. Sherman and featured in the movie Mary Poppins).

The original song contains a lot of extraneous sounds (mostly different varieties of laughter) mixed in with the verses. I have tried to achieve a similar juxtaposition here. Lines that are said (rather than sung) are in italics.

Jargon advisory: scientists commonly refer to laboratory workstations as the bench. And assay is simply a synonym for experiment.

GRAD STUDENT #1:

I love the lab! Ha ha ha ha!
The days fly by in here!
I love the lab!
I'm spending more time here each year!

The more I'm in lab,
The more I'm filled with glee,
And the more the glee,
The more I'm a merrier me! It's true!
The more I'm a merrier me!

GRAD STUDENT #2:

Some people stay in their offices,
Sounding something like this: [snoring noises]
He must have tenure.
Some people relish the cubicle scene
As cogs in a corporate machine:
"Listen, I want those gels on my desk by tomorrow morning!"

GRAD STUDENT #3:

Some work at home:
"Honey, could you pass the sulfuric acid?"
Some work by phone:
"Mr. Epstein, have you considered subscribing to the Journal of Clinical Immunohistocytochemistry? ... Hello?"
Others, they go door-to-door:
"But, ma'am, our centrifuges are a product the whole family can enjoy!"
Yet nothing can quench my esteem for the bench!

GRAD STUDENT #1:

When a concept excites me,
I can't hide it inside and think,
Hmmm, as the theorists do.
I've got to retreat to that windowless suite
For another assay or two....

ALL, IN UNISON:

We love the lab! Ha ha ha ha!
The weeks fly by in here!
We love the lab!
We're spending more time here each year!

The more we're in lab,
The better our findings will be,
And the better they be,
The sooner we'll have our degree!