The Phantom Of The Copper Coil

This parody (written by Greg Crowther) is sung to the tune of "The Phantom Of The Opera" (written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart, Richard Stilgoe, and Mike Batt).

In the world of NMR, a "phantom" is a sample that is similar to but simpler than the sample one ultimately hopes to study. For example, if one intends to scan human muscles using phosphorus NMR spectroscopy, one might optimize and troubleshoot one's experimental protocol using a bag of phosphate (PO4) buffer as a phantom. Nuclei in the phantom (as well as the real samples) are excited and detected with coils, which are often made out of copper.

SCIENTIST:                               PHANTOM:

Transparent as the wind 
That chills my spine,
He lurks inside the lab, 
This ghost of mine.
And, buffered heavily 
With PO4,
The phantom of the copper coil is there
In the magnet bore.

                                         Each new experiment
                                         Must be rehearsed.
                                         Before you test a man, 
                                         You test me first.
                                         You try your protocols
                                         Until I’m sore.
                                         The phantom of the copper coil is there
                                         In the magnet bore.

I think the pulse will work...
                                         I call your bluff.
You’re not a man, you know.
                                         I’m close enough.
And though I wish that you               And though you wish that I
Could be ignored,                        Could be ignored,
The phantom of the copper coil is there  The phantom of the copper coil is there
In the magnet bore.	                 In the magnet bore.

• MP3 (by Science Groove)