Brain Jokes
First, let me apologize. I hope you find these jokes funny, but if not, maybe you could come up with some better ones!! Send them to me at: chudler@u.washington.edu. Click on the "answer button" to see the answer and the to see a page that explains the answer (or gives a hint).

Brains
  • What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?

  • What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?

  • Where does a brain go on vacation?

  • What do you call a group of brains who form a singing group at school?

  • Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?

  • Why are sponges and brains similar?

  • What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?

  • What happens when you bother the parietal lobe?

  • What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?

  • What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?

  • What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?

  • When does a brain get afraid?

  • Why do brains put candy under their pillows when they go to sleep?

  • What did the doctor say to the man who had an elephant sitting on his brain?

  • What did the man say after the elephant got off of his brain?

  • What does a brain wear in a rainstorm?

  • Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?

  • What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?

  • What is the brain's favorite television channel?

  • What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?

  • What is the best toothpaste for the brain?

  • When does it rain brains?

  • What do you call a hat for the brain?

  • Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?

  • What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?

  • What is a pirate's favorite layer of the meninges?

  • What do you call a brain connected to three eyes?

  • Why does it sound like brains and aquarium fish are similar?

  • Why does the brain have so many wrinkles?

  • Why does a brain use to clean its sulci?

  • What is a brainy snake's favorite subject?

  • How do you turn a brain into water?

  • Why do brains use cosmetics?

  • Why was the brain sad when it lost its locomotive?

  • Why don't creative brains like to learn in small rooms?

  • How does a brain know what time it is?

  • What is located in the center of the brain?

  • What is the brain's favorite card game?

  • Why do brains make the most dedicated employees?

  • Who has the most important job at the brain bank?

  • If a skull, femur, rib and vertebra ran a race, which would win?

  • Which side of the brain is better to write with?

  • Why do brains get tired in the evening?

  • What do you call a militarized brain?

  • Why did the brain refuse to use lipstick and eyeliner?

Neurons
  • Where do neurons keep their money?

  • Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?

  • What do you call two neurons in jail?

  • Why did the neuron cross the microscope?

  • What do neurons do on their birthdays?

  • What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?

  • Why do neurons like e-mail?

  • Why don't neurons get along with each other?

  • What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?

  • Why should you keep matches away from a neuron?

  • What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?

  • What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?

  • What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?

  • What do neurons use to talk to each other?

  • Why are most adult neurons poor at math?

  • What is a neuron's favorite television channel?

  • How do you fix a broken ion channel?

  • Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?

  • Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?

  • Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?

  • When is a synapse like a tree?

  • What directions do you give to get to a neuron?

  • What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?

  • What is an average-sized porcupine's favorite neuron?

  • What is the Chancellor of Germany's favorite type of cell?

  • When are neurons lazy?

  • Why do dendrites have so many friends?

  • What did the angry neuron say to another neuron?

  • What do you call two very compassionate, supportive networks of neurons?

  • Why are robots so brave?

  • What nerves are used to lift the brain?

  • Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?

  • Which cranial nerve should you avoid using when writing a paper?

  • Which cranial nerve can you get rid of?

  • What did the dendrite do when the brain bank closed?

  • What do dendrites drink when they are removing extra synaptic connections?

  • How do axons stay warm in the winter?

  • What goes all around a neuron but never moves?

  • What do you always find at the end of an axon?

  • What is a sodium ion's favorite water sport?

  • What is a neuron's favorite dessert?

  • Why did the nervous system visit a psychologist?

  • What is the nervous system's favority Gene Kelly movie?

Neuroanatomy
  • What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?

  • What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?

  • Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?

  • What street does the hippocampus live on?

  • What did parietal say to frontal?

  • Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?

  • Who is the neuroanatomy instructor's favorite relative?

  • What part of the brain has the same name as a famous site in Egypt?

  • What did the corpus callosum say to the right and left hemispheres when they were all arguing?

  • What did the brain say after the action potential traveled from the right hemisphere to the left hemisphere?

  • What part of the brain has been knighted?

  • What is the cheapest part of the brain?

  • What happened to the man who had a left hemispherectomy?

  • Why was the brain sent to the principal's office?

  • Why doesn't cerebrospinal fluid sit in one place at a party?

  • What is the slipperiest part of the brain?

  • What part of the nervous system is never alone?

Glia
  • What type of music is played by the band named "Myelin?"

  • Why were the axons bothered by myelin?

  • What did the Hollywood film director say after he finished making a movie about myelin?

  • What encouraging words did the neuron have for the glia cell?

  • What do you call glia when it is happy?

  • Why do mummies like myelin?

  • Why doesn't myelin like its birthday?

  • What do you call a meeting of myelin sheaths?

  • What show do glial cells see when they go to the ballet?

  • Why doesn't myelin like to go on vacation?

  • What do you call a glial cell in a spacesuit?

Neurophysiology
  • Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?

  • Why was the action potential so upset when it went from the optic nerve to the optic tract?

  • What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?

  • What starts to work after it is fired?

  • Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?

  • How are trains similar to neurons?

  • What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?

  • What does a jellyfish use to catch fish?

  • Why didn't the action potential want to be around the IPSP (inhibitory post-synapstic potential)?

Neuroscientists
  • What happens if you break the brain scanner?

  • If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?

  • What kind of fish performs brain surgery?

  • How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?

  • What happenned with the neuroscientist drank some cresyl violet solution?

  • What did the optometrist say to the distracted students?

  • What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?

  • What is a neuroscientist's favorite American folk song?

  • What is a EEG technician's favorite time of day?

  • What instrument does Santa the Neuroscientist play?

  • Who is Santa's most intelligent holiday helper?

  • Why are neuroscientists who research optogenetics hungry in the afternoon?

  • Why did the neuroscientist want to use a patch clamp?

  • Why do neuroanatomists like small books?

  • Why do neurosurgeons dip their hands in oil before they perform brain surgery?

  • Why did the plumber interrupt the neurosurgeon?

  • Where is a best to grow MRI machines?

  • Why was the patient so comfortable with the neurosurgeon who was about to perform a craniotomy?

  • Why do neurosurgeons always get the best jobs at their hospitals?

  • Why are neurosurgeons often upset when they perform surgery on the spinal cord?

  • Why do some doctors prefer to use local anesthetics?

  • What is a neuroengineer's favorite letters?

  • Who is the singer/songwriter, former child star, brain researcher?

  • Why do neuroanatomists like baseball?

  • Where does a neuroanatomist sit in a theater?

  • What do you call a senior neuroscientist who eats everything at the buffet table?

  • Why are neuroanatomists so happy?

  • Why is it so confusing to see two neuroscientists walking side by side?

  • What should neurosurgeons say when someone insults their profession?

  • What did the neuroanatomy professor say to the students who wanted to know about the pons?

  • What do you call a cow that is a brain researcher?

  • What do brainy magicians say when they perform their tricks?

  • What magic words do other brainy magicians use?

  • Why did the neuroscientists remove their doorbells?

  • What is a car mechanic's favorite type of neuron?

  • What type of neuroscientists live outside big cities?

  • If the Karate Kid was a neuroscientist, how would he train?

  • What did the lumberjack say to the brain?

  • What happened when the neuroscientist got a new centrifuge?

  • What did the ophthalmologist tell her patient who had a dream that his eye changed color?

  • Why did the student fail his test at acupuncture school?

  • What happened to the optometrst who magically turned into lens?

  • What do neuroscientists use to record from tiny brains?

  • Why was there thunder and lightning in the neuroscientist's lab?

  • What do neuroscientists use to record from amphibian neurons?

  • Where do neuroscientists publish their research about bee brains?

  • Why are mannequins bad neuroscientists?

  • Why did Alessandro Volta go to jail?

  • Why should you never lie to a neuroradiologist?

  • What do neuroscientists take for bad breath?

  • How are stem cell researchers like farmers?

  • What did the neuroaudiologist say when she saw a strange research result?

  • What type of information do audiologists provide their patients?

  • Why did the fisherman visit the audiologist?

  • Why are neuroscientists who study the visual system so good at explaining their work?

  • What do you call researchers who study the activity of honey-producing insects?

  • Why are some neuroscientists scared of cresyl violet?

  • What do neuroscientists who use fluorescent microscopes say to start a race?

  • What did the EEG say to the neuroscientist?

  • Dr. Jones is a neuropharmacologist who is 5 feet, 6 inches tall and wears a size 8 shoe. What does she weigh?

  • Why are doctors so fond of testing a patient's patellar (knee-jerk) reflex?

  • What is an audiologist's favorite instrument?

  • What kind of ears do people in the field of neurotechnology have?

  • What did Galvani say when he stimulated a frog leg with electricity?

  • What did early neuroscientists invent when they crossed an electric eel with a sponge?

  • What has the most education in a neuroscientist's laboratory?

  • Why were the students confused about the EEG joke?

  • Why did the two neuropharmacologists get married?

  • Why did the neuroscientist forget about the old electrode?

  • Why was the neuroscientist arrested when she was introduced at the convention?

  • What do you call someone who works in the accounting office in the Department of Neuroscience?

  • What do neuroscientists collect at the beach?

  • Why do lab directors take their students to railroad stations?

  • What did the student say when he couldn't remember the answer to the test question about Pavlov?

Brain Chemistry
  • If some of Fred Flintstone's neurotransmitters could talk, what would they say?

  • What happens when a neurotransmitter falls in love with a receptor?

  • Why isn't glutamate very nice?

  • Why should you be quiet around barbituates?

  • Which neurotransmitter makes the best adhesive?

Spinal Cord
  • Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?

  • Why was the spinal cord disappointed when it tried to buy a new disc?

  • Why is a bundle of nerve fibers in the spinal cord always so happy?

  • What type of dances do spinal cords like?

  • How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?

  • How did the patella apologize to the hammer?

  • Why would the ventral horn and dorsal horn make a good married couple?

  • What is a cervical vertebra's favorite fruit?

The Senses
  • Why were the two retinas such good friends?

  • What has an eye but cannot see?

  • Why don't the ear and nose get along with the eye?

  • What is the best food to maintain eye health?

  • Why does your nose like to be in the middle of your face?

  • What do you call a flying ear?

  • What did one eye say to the other eye?

  • What tastes better than it smells?

  • Why are eyes so funny?

  • How are eyes and schools similar?

  • How much money do you have when you combine touch, vision, smell, hearing and taste?

  • What does the visual system use to play basketball?

  • What has four eyes but cannot see?

  • Why did the web developer get a new pair of glasses?

  • What is a nose's favorite Christmas song?

  • What does the skin put on its bathroom floor?

  • What is a Pacinian corpuscle's favorite sport?

  • Why are dissections of the visual system so surprising?

  • What do you call the feeling that you have already been sick?

  • What do you call the feeling that you have already had dinner?

  • Why was the olfactory bulb right for the job?

  • Where does the cochlea like to swim?

  • Of all of the lobes, why is the occipital lobe most important for vision?

  • What do you call a photoreceptor that is attracted to electrical storms?

  • Why is your sense of touch so bad when you are sick?

  • What game do eyes play outside?

  • Why is an ice cream shop like the retina?

  • Why is a sports car dealership like a warm retina?

Behavior
  • What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?

  • Why are fish so smart?

  • What question can you never truthfully answer "Yes"?

  • Why is it best to sleep in the forest?

  • Which dinosaur was the loudest sleeper?

  • Why was the man who refused to sleep put in jail?

  • Where did the brain go to get some sleep?

  • Why did the brain go running?

  • What do you get when a German sausage hits you in the head?

  • What do you call a bee with decision-making problems?

  • What should you do if your data analysis program is running?

  • Why should you sleep with music on?

  • What did one EEG electrode say to the other EEG electrode?

  • What sleep disorder is especially common in pirates?

  • What do you call an abominable snowman with amnesia?

  • Why did the man purchase 25 white bears from the Arctic?

  • Why should you sleep next to a ruler?

  • Where do the smartest tree frogs live?

  • What is located in the center of the brain?

  • What do you call an extinct animal that sleeps a lot?

  • What is changed every night, but returns every morning?

  • What does every experiment end with?

  • What do you get when you cross a sandwich with a great idea?

  • When does a "Discussion" come before an "Introduction"?

  • What type of orange juice is best for the brain?

  • Why is studying the brain so interesting?

  • What do you call an intelligent duck?

  • Where should a bird go when it has an addiction problem?

  • What form of music does lead, a neurotoxic chemical element, enjoy most?

  • What do you get when you cross a salmon with a machine programmed to think like a person?

Brain Rhyme Time

The answers to each of the next questions rhyme with the word "brain." For example, for the question, "A brain on the tracks," the answer is Brain Train. [Brain Rhyme Time Worksheet]
In a storm?
Made a spot?
When it hurts?
Most important?
In a BIG storm?
Most logical?
Used as a walker?
A Scandinavian?
Used for bread?
Used to pick things up?
Where it lives?
Overworked?
It flies!
It is linked.
A blood vessel.
A fake.
Get more.
A Northeastern one.
Just regular.
It rules.
Western European
When injured.
It's a gas.
On drugs.
It's still here.
Hold back.
Most conceited?
When grumbling.
A headache.
Repeating.
Before an election.
It's hairy.

Books and authors you will never see (except here)


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