The Rules
What I want (other than a pony):
-
You have registered for, and someone is paying for you to attend, this
class. Let us assume for the sake of argument that you also have
it in mind to learn a thing or two before the quarter winds its lazy way
toward that hedonistic free-for-all that is
Spring Break. Unless you utterly devalue your money, your education,
and your time, then, you must class regularly and on time and
stay
until the class has been dismissed. I shall do the same.
-
Don't be a hero(ine): Bladder Infections are no laughing matter, and thus
should need to excuse yourself from class for any reason of acute sinusitis,
degenerative dermal disorder, spontaneous cerebral fracture, general salubrity,
vel
sim.: stand, say 'excuse me,' and leave quietly. Unless of course
disaster truly threatens, in which case you can scream 'out of my way for
the love of all that is holy' and run like hell. I shall do the same.
-
Be ready and willing to speak in class--this includes asking questions,
offering input, or responding to my interpretations of our material.
You really can't imagine how much this delights professorial types like
myself. Really. I go back to the office and call all my friends.
-
Dare to be wrong. Better yet, dare to be stupid (Trust
me: it's more fun than interpretive dance and less dangerous than organic
chemistry). Hey, guys, news flash: you don't have to have
an answer to a question in order to ask it, and you don't have to
be certain of your own answer in order to respond to a question I might
pose. Have some guts. Speak up. Find your voice.
Dance the funky chicken (figuratively speaking, that is). I'm a benevolent
tyrantóand they took away my riding crop, anyway.
-
Try to have a bit of fun, for goodness' sake. This Mythology
stuff might seem pretty wacky sometimes (loads of unpronounceable names,
seemingly obscure events involving people who sound like bores, gods sleeping
with mortals sleeping with animals who then get sacrificed) or even dry
(the same story again and again and again... for goodness' sake, we
already know the ending!) but in all likelihood it's not quite as foreign
or abstract as you might think. Once you realize that we are still
living in a 'World of Myth' and that we still structure our identities
around the fabrication of heroes and quests and grand schemes of revenge
and justice (think of Homer's Iliad; think of the WTC), once you
start wondering how we tell our own cultural stories and how we construct
our ideas of power, gender, and warfare (think of the Greek Amazons [1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6];
think of Gabrielle
Reece,* Xena,
and other popular
and idealistic--if historically
inaccurate!--obsessions with the 'Amazon Type'), I suspect you might see
some pretty interesting (and occasionally unnerving) connections between
the material we read for this class, and the world we are writing on a
day to day basis. Or, maybe not. But give it a try, because
it will make the class more interesting by far.
Sorry about that horrible music on the Gabrielle Reece page, but it's
kind of funny, too.
What I don't want (other than a hangover):
-
Turn off all cell phones and pagers; if you have a valid reason
for leaving such equipment on during class (imminent emergency,
anticipated disaster, something having to do with a witness protection
program, etc.) come and talk to me about this before class begins.
You do not want to see my reaction when I hear a cell phone go off
without previous notification. No, really: you don't--it's kind of
grotesque and not in that artsy, brooding, gothic way.
-
I do not want you to ask for a make-up Exam. Why? Simple:
I do not give make-up Exams. Not Midterms,
not Finals. Not even if you say 'please.' Not even if you say
'pretty please.'
-
Read that last one again, and save yourself the embarrassment of
asking. Unless, of course, you really want to see my google-eyed
'are you on drugs?' expression, which I
find quite amusing.
Stuff that might actually get you kicked out of
class (other than spontaneous human combustion):
-
Do not read outside material (the UW Daily, the Wall Street
Journal, your Biology Textbook, the Rosetta Stone, your neighbor's
palm) during lecture. If you do, and I catch you (and I will, oh
yes, I will), a brief but thoroughly enjoyable exercise in public ridicule
will be followed by me asking you to leave class. I promise a concomitant
level of engagement, and thus pledge to keep my copy of Monster
Trucks Illustrated in my office where I can read it in
peace.
-
Do not fall asleep. If I see you with your eyes closed or
your head down on your desk, I shall assume the worst, pour a pitcher of
ice water on you, call some surly EMTs to the rescue, and ask you to leave.
Which is my coy way of saying that, if you tend to get drowsy in the early
afternoon--and hey, who doesn't?--it would be wise for you to become swiftly
intimate with a legal form of chemical or dietary stimulant (caffeine,
sugar, complex carbohydrates, etc.). Go back and read that word 'legal'
again, eh? Bring a snack or cup or can of whatever to class, if need
be. Munching on a Power Bar is more socially
acceptable than snoring loudly and drooling on the desk; you can check
this with Miss Manners.
