Comments on treatments

• Save paper: all on fewest possible pages. And staple multiple pages.
• Each treatment is a single paragraph (i.e. no blank line between the separate sentences)
• Make sure to use the "treatment form", i.e. the five-sentence format for the treatments, where each sentence has a specific role.
• Do not assume that your reader has already read the paper for which you are writing a treatment. Think of your treatment as something another student might read in order to determine if they are interested in reading the full paper.
• In sentences 1 and 2, avoid stating what the author describes, states, or does:

  In ... Tavani describes the main ethical systems ...
  In ... Tavani states the difference between consequentialist and deontological theories.
  In ... Tavani is obviously trying to differentiate between ...

  Rather, state what the author believes, i.e. the author's main point or thesis.

  In ... Tavani obviously believes that knowledge of philosophical ethics has practical value for those involved in the creation of software.
  In ... Tavani's main thesis is that ethical theories developed by Western philosophers provide the foundation on which differences of opinion concerning right and wrong can be resolved.

• In sentence 1, go for the main point, not just true things. Contrast the above two sentences (which do emphasize his key points), with the following sentences, which though true, do not focus on the main point.

  In ... Tavani believes that defining utilitarianism is an important aspect of understanding Computer Ethics
  In ... Tavani obviously believes that software developers have ethical responsibilities.
  

• Avoid giving more than one point in sentence 1:

  In ... Tavani obviously believes that ... as well as ...

• Ensure that the two ideas in sentences 1 and 2 are actually separate ideas, as in:

  In ... Tavani's main thesis is that ethical theories developed by Western philosophers provide the foundation on which differences of opinion concerning right and wrong can be resolved. Another significant idea that Tavani advances is that Moor's Just Consequentialism combines the strengths of duty-based and utility-based ethical systems.

  Avoid having these two sentences be two different ways of saying the same thing:

  In ... Tavani obviously believes that knowledge of philosophical ethics has practical value for those involved in the creation of software. Significantly, Tavani also believes that software developers will benefit from the foundational knowledge that a philosophical approach to ethics provides.

  Similarly, avoid having these sentences be a generic and then a specific way of saying the same thing:

  In Chapter 2 of Ethics and Technology, it is obvious that Tavani believes that moral philosophy provides the foundation and justification for an ethical system. Tavani also believes that philosophical ethics provides the basis for ethics as it relates to technology and software.

• Make sure to support the less obvious idea with sentence 3 by getting at the main argument of support as in the following:

  Tavani also explains that we are not required by law to be moral. He supports this idea by emphasizing that as our behavioral attributes develop, we tend to rely upon internalized character traits and moral sensitivity rather than external laws and sanctions.

• The difference between sentence 3 and sentence 4 is that sentence 3 concerns what the author says in support of sentence 2 whereas sentence 4 describes how the author writes the paper in order to meet the paper's goals.

  For example, compare the following sentence 3

  He supports this latter idea of providing a unified ethical system by arguing that the Just Consequentialism's attention to both social justice and the common good overcomes the narrowness of either utilitarianism or deontology taken alone.

  to the following sentence 4

  He details the essential aspects of four such systems -- deontology, consequentialism, virtue theory, and social contract theory -- along with examples of their use in order to demonstrate the practical value of these philosophical theories.

• In sentence 4, avoid stating " ... in order for the reader to understand his point." or anything similar, as in:

  Tavani provides the example of Kitty Genovese in order to help the reader understand the point that he is making.

  This is because we always assume that the writer is writing in order for the reader to understand; therefore we need not say this.
• Vagueness, especially in sentence 4, makes writing leaden and dull, and doesn't provide the reader with useful information, as in:

  Tavani provides examples of several ethical theories, and illustrates these with actual cases drawn from real life, in order to show that ...

  . Instead, provide the briefest summary of the mentioned examples.
• Avoid describing the audience's characteristics:

  One target audience consists of all people who might have an interest in philosophical issues

  Also avoid overly broad audiences:

  One audience is the general public...
  One audience is anyone interested in this topic.

  Instead, name a specific audience:

  One audience consists of computer science students ...

  However, do not choose an audience who would not plausibly be reading this paper. E.g., legislators and politicians (who might benefit from some of these readings) don't usually read philosophy treatises or student textbooks. So, make sure that you choose an audience whom the author was actually writing for.

• Provide a brief rationale (reason why) for audience in sentence 5.

  One audience consists of computer science students, since Tavani draws all of his illustrative cases from the kinds of systems that these students might one day develop.