Jan Hyono

HA&S 397

^{Bilingual Experiences of a Japanese-American}

^Introduction

^{The ability to use both Japanese and English with proficiency has become a great part of my identity. If I start to lose skills involving either language (such as recalling thousands of kanji characters in Japanese or comprehending how to produce an English-thesis research article), I literally feel like I’m losing a piece of myself. As a bilingual in Japanese and English, I have encountered two major interesting phenomenons while growing up.}

^{First is the phenomenon of performing different behaviors depending on the language being used. I believe this is something that is impossible to avoid if one wants to be a balanced bilingual in languages from two significantly different cultures. For example, Japanese and American cultures operate under completely different values of collectivism and individualism, respectively. Since language is a big part/reflection of cultural identity, language itself will influence what is considered as normal/acceptable, rude, or polite behaviors depending on different cultures.}

^{The second phenomenon involves how certain cultural situations involving one language become analyzed by my other language if there is a great cultural gap. For example, I could be speaking in Japanese and acting within the values of Japanese culture, but inside my head I would be talking to myself in English about how the situation seems wrong or unfair. This also works for a English situation with internal analysis in Japanese.}

^{In this paper I would like to explore a few situations that present language-influenced behaviors and what I like to call “inner language-outer language” conflicts. These reflections will reveal how different languages and their combinations can lead to unique identities. In my case, I feel that I am never quite Japanese or quite American but always somewhere in the middle.}

^{Japanese with the Family and Family Friends}

^{Interactions with the Family: Expression of Love and Loyalty}

^{In Japanese there aren’t any appropriate expressions for communicating affection between family members. Children and parents refrain from saying “I love you” or “I miss you” to one another. In fact, the Japanese language does not have phrases available for communicating these thoughts casually like English. There is a emotion word “ai” which would be the closest equivalent to “love”. However it is more of an intimate emotion of care that one holds deep inside and it is never addressed openly between family members.}

^{Meanwhile, husbands and wives do not use endearing terms towards each other like “honey”, “sweetie”, or “baby”. When husbands and wives address each other it usually refers to their position in the family. For example the husband would refer to his wife as “oka-san” or “mama”(mother) while the wife refers to her husband as “oto-san” or “papa” (father). In a more traditional family, the husband would refer to his wife as “omae” or “kimi” (a really informal version of “you”), and the wife would refer to her husband as “anata” (a very formal version of “you”). This represents the male dominant family hierarchy.}

^{While the Japanese family seems to lack verbal and physical expression of love (i.e. hugging), the members participate in a love called “kazoku ai” (family love). “Kazoku ai” is represented through how well family members are functioning in harmony with one another. While this form of love doesn’t involve communicating happiness towards each other verbally, it represents how each family member fulfills their duty in order to keep everybody else happy. In a Japanese family the father is supposed to bring in the money to support the family, the mother maintains the household and childrearing, and the child is expected to be obedient and never question his/her parents. The ability for a family to function smoothly and interdependently in this way is a symbol that the members really care for one another.}

^{Growing up in this environment influenced me to not really show affection towards my immediate family members. However, outside of the home, I would not hesitate to say “I love you” towards my friends or other significant people in my life. I always found it unusual that while I could hug or kiss someone outside of my family, just the thought of performing the same behaviors with my parents made me feel awkward. I experience a feeling of “hazukashi-” if I am asked to hug my parents such as when family pictures are being taken. “Hazukashi-” is similar to the feeling of embarrassment. This most likely occurs because my behavior is so contradictory to the expectations and values of Japanese culture.}

^{A greater conflict I faced was the concept of “kazoku ai”. As the child in the family I am required to follow all of my parents’ wishes in order to keep harmony within the family. However it is difficult to remain so obedient when I witness my other friends experiencing more leniency and freedom. Basically I felt like I was being ordered around by my parents all the time and received a lot of criticism in order to keep me in check. My parents never expressed any warm emotions towards me----only negative, critical emotions when they felt I stepped out of line. Although now I understand that this technique is necessary to keep me in the bonds of “kazoku ai”, I used to analyze it from a English-speaker’s perspective and viewed the situation as restricting and unfair.}

^{Speaking with Adult Guests in Japanese (at the dinner table)}

^{When speaking with adults outside of the family in Japanese, I am encouraged to use formal expressions. The rule is to either raise the status of my guest up, or lower my own status through the use of language. Also, I am not allowed to speak up unless spoken to by the guest or by someone with more authority (i.e. older family member).}

^{This process is actually a struggle for me because I never learned how to correctly use the formal forms. The formal forms are actually unique and specific phrases that Japanese people come to understand through frequent usage and experience. Usually in Japan, a child will grow up with the informal form in the family and gradually acquire the formal form through interactions with guests and people they meet outside of the home (i.e. such as teachers, family friends, coworkers, etc). Unfortunately, I have no clue what the appropriate expressions or the appropriate rules for their usage are. Usually, I won’t even try to attempt the phrases. This is a gamble I take because it is actually worse/more rude at times for a person to butcher a formal phrase than to simply utilize the informal phrase in its place.}

^{Depending on the view of the guest, people can have varying opinions about my use of the informal phrase in the place of a formal phrase. If the individual is very traditional he/she may find the replacement to be rude and immature. Often the guest will make sure that I experience a Japanese emotion called “haji” as a consequence for my action. “Haji” is a feeling of shame, usually a result of not being able to meet another’s expectations. On the other hand, a more modern or liberal guest may view my style as cute and friendly. The guest would describe me as “kawaii”, which means one who possesses a cute, childlike quality. The informal form is most likely considered childlike because Japanese people usually do not possess or have command of the formal expressions until around late adolescence.}

^{Now, if this situation was in the context of meeting an American guest for the first time, my behaviors would be completely different. First of all I would not be stressed as much about forms. All I would have to do is be a little more polite than how I usually speak with my friends and everything should be fine. Also, I would not need to necessarily wait to be addressed by the guest or an older family member in order to speak. In fact, if I remained silent it could give off the impression that I am a cold, unfriendly person. So along with listening to the guest speak I am required to participate through producing entertaining conversation topics or stories. Therefore, American conversation around the dinner table seems to divide an equal amount of power between all the people. Unlike the Japanese scenario, guests do not have the power to judge or critique the hosts. The hosts are also less concerned about the impressions that may be produced by the guests.}

^{When I reflect back on these dinner table scenarios, the experiences I have at the dinner table in English really come to influence my judgment about the Japanese dinner scenario. Basically, I find I am often frustrated about how complicated and restrictive the whole Japanese process is. For example if there was a guest that was the same age or even a little younger than the host, he/she would still have to address them with formal expressions. It feels weird to me because the formal form is used to address people of higher status and a person who is older usually has higher status than the other individual. But in the case of a Japanese dinner, the guest (no matter their age) would be considered as higher status than anybody else in the room. Also, I dislike how Japanese guests can be very passive-aggressively demanding. While many want the host to use the formal form to show respect and politeness, they also become upset if the host remains too formal and polite the whole night. This is because politeness creates a barrier against familiarity between two people. So the guest not only wants to feel respected but also wants to experience a connection with the host. For that to happen a little bit of informal use is necessary. Therefore the host must be able to pick up on these signs and stealthily vary their conversation forms according to the needs of their guest.}

^{English Outside of My Home}

^Roommates

^{While I use English to interact with my roommates, I end up analyzing the situation in my head in Japanese. The analysis basically feels like I am talking to myself in Japanese. Somehow, this influences me to perform Japanese behaviors or experience Japanese emotions even though I am verbally using English.}

^{One example comes from when one of my roommates fails to do her dishes. My roommate often goes days without washing her dishes and eventually the sink becomes unusable. She will promise to take care of the dishes but often “forgets” and goes to play with the boys next door. When this would happen, I usually feel a greater sense of betrayal than what my other roommates feel. This is most likely because when a Japanese person makes a promise it is always kept. However, I notice promises in English are often convenient phrases used to satisfy the other person for the time being. Whether that promise is followed through later is another story. Usually unfulfilled promises are followed with excuses or “I’m sorry”’s. Meanwhile the individual who is expecting the promise to be fulfilled is supposed to forgive the person and understand that the important thing is that he/she tried their best. This is the great difference between promises in Japanese and English. In Japanese, the outcome of the promise is more important, while in English the attempt at fulfilling the promise is more important.}

^{The next conflict I recall has to do with the amount of dependence that is appropriate for a group of people. When some of my roommates tell me that they are not going to be able to get home to eat dinner till 9-10pm, I usually cook some extra food for them. I will also cook some meals for my roommates and take care of them if they are sick in bed. I really cannot explain what drives me to do these things, it is practically an innate reaction. It most likely has to do with the Japanese emotion of “omoiyari” where I just believe that it is something that needs to be done for this other person. Unfortunately for me, this emotion does not seem to exist in English. I remember one time I was really sick in bed with a fever but nobody helped me out. In fact, one person actually said that if I really wanted food, I should get up and go get it on my own. When I experienced this, the Japanese language in my head kept on thinking how selfish people could be and how betrayed I felt. I understand that English values revolve predominantly around independence but sometimes I feel that people care too much about themselves and not enough about others.}

^{Through reflecting on these experiences, I thought it was interesting how the language inside my head seemed to dominate my emotions and actions more than the verbal language that everybody else is able to hear.}

^School

^{Another area where I seem to face conflict is in school settings. In many of my university classes I have a hard time participating in discussions because it is a pretty new concept for me. I used to go to a Japanese language school where students were only allowed to answer if they raised their hands and if the answer was short and relevant to the question. In Japanese schools students are discouraged from sharing answers with the class that involves an opinion. Also, the answers usually have to be in a form of a question addressed towards the teacher. Therefore, the answer needs to have an intonation pattern of a question no matter how sure of the answer you are. Then the teacher will tell you whether you were right or wrong. Deviating from these forms make the student look very disrespectful and cocky.}

^{Since the language school was a big part of my life, I still find it difficult to break out of the pattern. I don’t believe in interrupting others or speaking out of turn because I have just been taught that it is a very rude act. It also surprised me how close the student-teacher relationship is in college. In some classes students are able to call their professors by their first name and even challenge their theories. In Japanese schools there is definitely a clear hierarchy boundary between the students and the teachers. The teachers are seen as having all the knowledge, wisdom and experience and the students are expected to follow without question. I believe that is why it is difficult for me to speak up in discussions. In my head my inner self is telling me in Japanese that I don’t have the authority or experience to be able to present my opinions as a reliable source of information. Once again I find it interesting that while the verbal communication all around me is taking place in English, the Japanese in my head seems to determine my emotions and behaviors.}

^Conclusion

^{What I have learned in the last couple of years in college is that I am probably never going to be completely Japanese or completely American. Usually when I speak Japanese I am more group-oriented, and when I speak English I am more likely to promote independence and equality. However, the scenarios I introduced in this report also show that at times it is not as simple as one language leading to one behavior. It is fascinating that I could be speaking one language verbally to my peers but one language silently inside my head at the same time. There seems to be a couple combinations that are possible(chart below). First, the verbal language can influence both my emotions and my behavior with no influence from my inner language. Secondly, the inner language can influence my emotion while my verbal language influences my behavior. In this situation what I feel and how I act are not in agreement with one another. Lastly, the inner language can influence both the emotion I feel on the inside and the behavior that I engage in on the outside without influence from my verbal language.}

^{It does feel like a struggle at times when the inner language and the verbal language do not agree with one another. In my case the values of Japanese and American values seem to fight each other for dominance even through language. And as along as I choose to remain a balanced bilingual, this will always be the case for me. However, I don’t think I would want it any other way. I believe there is something beautiful about both cultures and their languages, whether it is promoting group awareness or self awareness. Especially in college I have found that too often people are extremely set in their ways and unable to take the perspective of another person. A positive aspect of being a balanced bilingual is being able to understand that there isn’t one “right” way to live. Therefore, even if you don’t agree with someone, it allows you to be more aware of other cultures and be more open towards diverse values. I hope to maintain both Japanese and English and always operate between these two cultures.}

^{Different Verbal and Inner Language Combinations I have faced and their impact on emotion and behavior.}

^{Verbal Language Inner Language Emotion Behavior}

^{1. Japanese Japanese Japanese}

^{2. Japanese English English Japanese}

^{3. Japanese English English}

^{4. English English English}

^{5. English Japanese Japanese Japanese}

^{6. English Japanese Japanese English}