September, 1997 column

If your love life's tapered off, get online to get it on.

by Pepper Schwartz

It's true that sex lives get stale. Once partners have been wooed and won, and the first years of infatuation and total mutual absorption are replaced by babies or bills or both, couples experience pretty much the same phenomenon: They don't want to do it as much as they did and they don't. Countless research studies back up the couples' own perceptions: The longer a relationship lasts, the more sexual frequency decreases. Doesn't matter if you are heterosexual or homosexual, married or living together, after just a few years, late night TV gives sex formidable competition. Maybe that's because most couple's sex lives are so damn dull. Not for most couples are the steamy scenes of Hollywood movies. With the exception of gay male couples, who often busy themselves with sex toys, explicit movies and body decoration, the rest o f the sexual world is surprisingly tame. One national study of American couples found that less than 20 percent of married couples had ever taken a shower together much less sweetly displayed themselves to each other under a ceiling mirror ... But fear not. If you are one of those afflicted with a deficit of sexual imagination, the Internet has arrived in time to save you. Or at least help give you an incredible experience now and then. But that's progress, isn't it? First of all, the Internet is just full of ideas no one in your family has ever had for about the last 4,000 years. Just type in sex and follow random leads. Of course, there will be some acts you'll wish you STILL had never heard of but on the other hand , there are descriptions of technique that range from romantic to rowdy surely something for everyone.
Even if you don't want to try some of them (say, for example, the mere idea of a "threeway" sends you into an asthma attack), some ideas might, after reflection, turn into great fantasies for you and your partner. Result: an instant antidote for your usua l routine love making. Or, you could window shop together for various sexual images and see if any of them are a mutual turn on. You could even go as a couple to one of the sexier chat rooms. There's nothing wrong with a little high-tech foreplay, is there? It's kind of like titillation to go. You don't have to step out anywhere sleazy or meet someone scary or trespass any nuptial boundaries. But being naughty together can certainly put some s team in a slow engine. Of course there are a few cautions. Exploring the Internet can be erotic territory to one partner and a cesspool to the other. You also risk the possibility that partners can be shocked at each other's favorite fantasy material. Sometimes it's best NOT to know what's going on inside your nearest and dearest's head. But, if you both are fairly nonjudgmental, or at least resilient, you might kindle some sparks in what you thought were pretty cold embers.
And that's worth at least a mini-visit to the Net, isn't it?

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